R2D2: has been infected and virus ridden since last night. His hours have mostly been spent writhing around like a wounded animal and loudly describing how much pain he's in followed by howling noises. Of course I've tried to be sympathetic and compassionate towards this state of affairs but with precious few hours sleep my patience is wearing thin. Finally in the early hours of the morning:
R2D2 : mummy I'm not feeling well
Me: I know
R2D2 : everything is hurting
Me: I know
R2D2 : ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh (howls loudly)
Me: what is it now?
R2D2 : I'm not having a nice day
Me: really? It's the crack of dawn and YOU are not having a nice day. May I suggest you sleep.
R2D2 : can I watch telly?
Me: (muttering) you can watch porno for all I care - just sleep.
R2D2 : it's not called porno. It's called power rangers.
Parental Note: the expression "desperate means call for desperate measures" was without doubt coined by a parent whose child lived by the motto "when I'm going down I'll take all you bastards down with me".
It is with whimsical nostalgia that I reflect upon the way in which in some alternate reality I am sitting by my child's side, wiping his brow with a damp cloth and singing sweet melodies to calm his tortured soul. This alternate reality is one to which I no longer aspire as I believe that it has had a rather negative impact upon my already fragile state of mind.