Our challenge is to know and nurture our powerful inner peace and truth, in order that our outer experiences no longer prevent us from living and manifesting that truth - so that we are able to shine forth in our full glory.
What then is Transformational Life Coaching? It is a process by which you examine what is holding you back in your life by questioning your own attachments, patterns and beliefs. When you do so, you access that part of yourself that is often called your ‘authentic voice’ or ‘Spirit’ in order to bring it into alignment with the way in which you live your life. You begin to see things in a different way, the ‘whole picture’ so to speak, as opposed to a more limited view. I believe that the result of this process is the most effective and organic resolution of your ‘outer’ difficulties. Not only that, but once you have made that connection, you will discover a new freedom, enabling you to achieve your greatest potential, turning your dreams, hopes and aspirations into your reality.
However, I know that in practice talking about truth and authenticity is so much easier than actually experiencing it. It is much less complicated to look outside of ourselves and say, “the problem is over there, it exists independently of me or of what I do”. Please be clear, I do not seek to attribute fault or blame. It may be your child with difficulties at school, your baby with health concerns, your uncooperative partner, your obstinate boss, your troubled teenager, your messy divorce, a death in your family, or any other life issue. I can tell you from my personal experience that there may be pain, sadness, confusion, anger and a myriad of other emotions. I do not for a moment dismiss their enormity, but I can also share with you from my own personal experience that the way I met those difficulties was so much more effective, when I was mindful of, and nurturing towards my inner state alongside my outer challenges.
I am reminded of the anecdotal and humorous story of the Sufi Sheykh Nasruddin, when one dark night, Nasruddin, an old and wise teacher, was crawling around the road on all fours underneath a lamp post apparently searching for something. After a while, one of his students whilst on his way home, comes across Nasruddin and is surprised to find his teacher crawling around on the road. Nasruddin explains that he has lost the key to his house and is looking for it under the light of the lamp post. Immediately the student gets down on all fours and proceeds to search for the key with Nasruddin. Soon another student comes along, and then another, until there are several of them all crawling around on the road looking for the lost key. Finally, after many hours of searching, one of the students stands up in exasperation and says, “Sheikh Nasruddin, are you certain you lost the key here?”, “Not at all”, replies Nasruddin, then pointing in the opposite direction to an unlit part of the street he says, “I lost it over there, but there is no lamp post over there and I can’t see anything.”
The moral of the story is that the ‘key’ to dealing with our challenges is often found in those dark places where we are unaccustomed to looking, or cannot ‘see’ properly. I can tell you from personal experience that it can get pretty dark inside, but as you begin to discover that dark place, as you begin to know your way around it, it becomes familiar to you and thus your perspective and understanding of your outer challenges begins to evolve.
In this day and age, often the advice we do get, no matter how well intentioned, is misplaced. Through my current PhD studies (in Psychology) it has become clear to me that we live in a world missing the emotional, spiritual and physical support systems that were once organically available to our ancestors. As a life coach, I try to be the ‘safe space’ for my clients, the internal mirror, the place where they can grow and ask themselves important questions about their lives, their priorities, and their purpose.
If we are to accept and embrace the fact that life is unpredictable, that life is full of trials and tribulations, but instead of looking for an answer outside of ourselves, to look within, we will experience real personal growth. Dare I say it, you will stop just coping or surviving, but instead you will start living and enjoying your life, so that those dreams, aspirations and longings that you have hidden away will become your reality. The reason this works, is that as you remove your internal barriers, your perspective expands, and then the challenges themselves either become more manageable, or at least the resolution becomes much clearer. In addition, you become more proactive as opposed to reactive in dealing with the situation.
You may be wondering how this kind of coaching work. It would be so easy for me to throw around popular words like mindfulness, stillness and balance; in my work these are all important and valuable tools and words. However, when deciding to take up life coaching, it must be real for you, fashionable words alone are not going to change your life - it will be challenging – but can you afford not to do it? Personally I engage in a daily mediation, prayer and contemplative practice. That works for me. Your prescription will be different because you are different. One size does not fit all, and transformational life coaching can help you create a tailor-made programme.
Most importantly, if you decide to choose a life coach, look for someone who will work in partnership with you, as a collaborator, remember - the answer lies within you. Also, be aware that as with psychologists, there are coaches who specialise in particular areas such as career coaching, marriage/partnership coaching or life coaching, select what is suitable for your needs. Consider that there are as many different styles of coaching as there are coaches – try to find a coach with a style that suits your personal demeanour and situation. To draw an analogy, it is the same as searching for a nutritionist, the goal is usually more or less the same, but the particular diet each nutritionist prescribes will be different, so your choice will be personal to your food preferences.
Finally, and in the words of the founder of psychosynthesis psychology Roberto Assagiolli,
“There is no certainty; there is only adventure”
With gratitude,
Your friend,
BB